The conservative waited until I paused my rant and asked me a question which stopped me in my tracks

Virtually every conservative is able to find at least one, usually more than one, glaring contradiction in logic on my part.

Why I hate a beautiful, accomplished, smart woman with strong convictions, a deep belief in Jesus, and a happy family who loves her

Because she reminds me of the major deficiencies in my own life and I'm worried that if compared to her by others, I won't measure up. Just looking at her makes me feel insignificant, threatened and insecure, so of course, she must be brought DOWN. Like a rabid dog.

Why I don't react to Obama's grandiose plans by quoting the world's great creative spirits, including Dante, Swift, and Twain

My love of power explains why I don't react to Obama's grandiose plans by quoting the world's great creative spirits, including Dante, Swift, and Twain.

I don't want you to have most freedoms

I only care about the "freedom" to do whatever I want to whoever I want in the bedroom. Once you step outside the bedroom, most every aspect of your life should be subject to the iron hand of the progressive state. In particular, I don't want to allow the freedom to own jet-skis or allow public school students to read 1984 or Brave New World.

How I killed the western

The western has faded in popularity because I do not like to make them and do not understand how to make good ones.

Can't wake up!

Until I wake up to what the Protocols of Zion refer to as "the true nature of things," I will continue to embrace my own destruction and that of Western civilization. An occult movement is behind the "Enlightenment, "revolution," "secularism" and "modernity." It is behind socialism, feminism, zionism, communism and fascism.

Cop killers ... meh

When animals with mile-long rap sheets and multiple arrests kill a cop, I won't even look up from my copy of Rolling Stone, much less formulate an opinion on it.

Agent provocateur

I'm planning to infiltrate teapartes to try to create the impression that they are "fringe" groups and are some sort of "racial" undertakings.

I'm spending money in a way that leads to slavery

I WANT to blame me!

I deliberately create new problems, in order to blame them on America.

Foment revolution, eliminate dissent!

As much as I'm leading America down the path of irreversible socialism, I'm doing everything in my power to eliminate opinion not in lock-step with the revolution.

So, so fucking unbiased! Shit!

I hate FOX News because it's not biased towards liberals.

I'm a caveman

I can't think rationally about economics. Because of the social nature of hunting and gathering, the fact that food spoiled quickly, and the utter lack of privacy, the benefits of individual success in hunting and foraging were expected to be shared. I should give credit where it is due for the foundations of my economic philosophy: to Fred Flintstone.

I'm a modern-day Baal worshiper

My liberalism is largely a sanitized retread of ritualistic Baal worship: Adults would gather around the altar of Baal. Infants would then be burned alive as a sacrificial offering to the deity. Amid horrific screams and the stench of charred human flesh, congregants - men and women alike - would engage in bisexual orgies. The ritual of convenience was intended to produce economic prosperity by prompting Baal to bring rain for the fertility of "mother earth."

I talk about the same kind of hope, action and change as the Baalist Canaanites of old.