Friday, August 29, 2008

McCarthy terrified me

I denounced McCarthy because I was afraid of getting caught, so I fought back like an animal to hide my own collaboration with a regime as evil as the Nazis.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

I just don't get it I guess

Apparently, my policy positions are silly because they don't acknowledge the fact that capitalism discovered fire, hunting, monogamy, religion and hygiene.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

A sheet in the wind

I have no sense of discretion and usually forget what I'm arguing about soon after other imaginary liberals judge newer causes (polygamy, discrimination against left-handers, etc.) to be more worthy.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

My alternate reality

I am literally incapable of admitting I actually lost an election. I'm already preparing my excuses this time around.

Monday, August 25, 2008

My delusion about media control

I still live in a dream world and think I still control all the media and what "information" the electorate is exposed too.

Friday, August 22, 2008

Condition under which I love money

I love money as long it's in my pocket and not in the pockets of real Americans.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

Opposition to corporal punishment has something to do with Hammer & Sickle t-shirts

Or something else that apparently casts me in an unfavorable light.

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

It's not just my policies that are unbecoming

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Iraq is a disaster in every meaning because I whine and moan

I'm painfully ignorant. No one, not even China or Russia, especially not some unorganized renegades in the middle east, is in the same league as the United States.

When I say we're losing the war in Iraq, I'm forgetting that we can crush any country in the world without losing a single life. We choose not to because I whine and moan.

Monday, August 18, 2008

People are the scourge of the planet

Human beings are parasites and viruses on this planet. I'll become very irate and upset if you disagree.

Friday, August 15, 2008

I don't want to spend my salary

I’m voting Liberal because I believe the government will do a better job of spending the money I earn than I would.

Thursday, August 14, 2008

Terrorists are people too

I feel the need to protect terrorists' privacy.

Wednesday, August 13, 2008

I'm not an environmentalist as much as I'm a communist

I don't care about the environment, I care about protecting my investments in the eco-commie movement.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Over my head

This type of posting is too sophisticated for me. Also too sophisicated and sofisicated.

Monday, August 11, 2008

That's ME!

I'm what's tearing our government apart today, while the war on terror (remember 9/11?) attacks us relentlessly from within and without.

Sunday, August 10, 2008

Be it noted

I've made it very clear that freedom of speech will cease to exist if I gain total political control in 2009.

Saturday, August 9, 2008

Why I'm in the Bottom 5% of Intellectual Human Beings

I don't understand that since the beginning of time, guns have been the last resort of human existence.

Friday, August 8, 2008

Why conservatives work harder, feel happier, value honesty more, are less materialistic, whine less … and even hug their children more than I do

The research is clear: liberalism not only leads to social decay, but can also lead to personal decay.

Thursday, August 7, 2008

Thumbs up for social studies engineering! And Marxist shop class!

If you have dreams about kids learning about basic economics, true History, actual Social Studies or shop, you can write that off. I rewrite history yearly to make it mesh with my agenda.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

Jihad-approved

Islamic jihadists recognize that my politics offers no opposition to their ruthless jihad to enslave the entire world.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

I'm rather similar to Stalin

Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn would have risked his life to rebel against my oppression.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Why I'm pro-criminal

I'm pro criminal - I want mercy for criminals and I want criminals' jobs to be easy and their victims defenseless. Why? My agenda behind the Pro crime lobby is a totalitarian socialist state.

Sunday, August 3, 2008

How I hijacked the conservative agenda

I'm basically totalitarian in nature, and completely contrary to Judeo-Christian values and highly anti-Semetic. I united the luminaries of the KKK and neo-Nazis and white supremacists.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

Where are my senses?

I blame the right for everything under the sun and dismiss the fact that over the past 28 years, Republicans have had complete control of Congress and the White House 6 out of the last 8 years. Go figure.

Friday, August 1, 2008

I'm a "pseudo-American"

I no longer believe in freedom, self-reliance, capitalism, profit, manliness, competition, "nuclear" families, and everything else that is quintessentially American.